am i happy

Anchors Away!!

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Here is the 5th installment on how to choose happiness.
Use energy exercises to shift your outlook from sad to happy. I have 20 exercises in my book, “Be Alive in Five” about EFT (emotional freedom technique) and NLP (neuro linguistic programming).
Here is an easy exercise from my book:
ANCHORING (NLP exercise)

1. Let’s start with what is called “break state” – to clear your mind and prepare for the anchoring process. Count backwards five numbers starting anywhere (for instance 67, 66, 65, 64, and 63).
2. Think of a time when you felt totally relaxed and confident.Think of something that is the opposite of the problem state, for example, if the problem is fear of speaking to an audience, you could think of yourself talking and laughing with family or friends.
3. While you are remembering this place of relaxed speaking put the thumb and middle finger of either hand together (this is the “anchor”) and hold it there for about 20 seconds while you keep remembering that relaxed state. This anchors the feeling for later use.
Do this two or three times to to create and strengthen your positive anchor.
4. Release the thumb and forefinger after 20 seconds. Repeat step one to end the session. You have now created your anchor.
“Fire off” your anchor any time you are about to go into the fearful speaking situation by placing the same thumb and middle finger together to recreate that relaxed state.
Anchors stay in place for five or six days, so I recommended that you repeat the above process five days or less before an important event.
The use of anchors has truly changed my life and the lives of many others.

Banking your Anchors:
When you are feeling good or happy or content, remember to just put your thumb and middle finger together for 20 seconds! I call this “Banking Anchors” because it is like putting a deposit in your happy bank to use at a later time. There is no limit to the amount of deposits you can put in your happy bank so go ahead – bank those anchors!
You don’t have to feel bad. Remember Happiness is a CHOICE!!!
I hope it was fun and easy to access your inner happiness using these tips.
for these tips and more be sure check out my book, Be Alive in Five at Amazon.com.

©Christina Florence – June 2012

Tip # 4: In Pursuit of Happiness, Your Blue Suede Shoes

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Pursuit of happiness

Take a walk to clear your head.

Walking is one of the best ways to untangle those confusing and sometimes paralyzing thoughts. Exercise of any kind for at least 20 or 30 minutes releases endorphins, which are like mini happy pills running around in your brain, singing happy songs to you.

Next time you are feeling the blues, put on your blue suede shoes and head out the door in pursuit of happiness!

©Christina Florence – June 2012

 

 

Am I Happy in My Relationship?

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Some of you out there see your relationships as a guide to happiness. You may feel that by having a good relationship you are choosing happiness. But what is happiness, really, and how do we get there if we are in a less than happy relationship?

I’ve known quite a few men and women who think that having a good partner is the one thing that will bring complete and utter happiness. They see things in their partner that they themselves would like be. It may be that they want to make a lot of money or are good looking or both and because they perceive their partner to be this way, they believe these things will come to them and this will bring happiness. For whatever reason they’re convinced that their partner can somehow make them happy as a result of all of these external things. Aside from the ego issues, the problem with thinking that your partner can “make” you be happy is: “What does that make you? Unhappy?”

If you are not happy on the inside then how can any external condition. partner or otherwise “make” you be happy. This is false reasoning. Happiness is not external no matter how hard (and we certainly try hard) we try to make it so.

©Christina Florence – October 2010

Is Happiness a “Thing” or a “Feeling”?

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Now that I’ve explained that Be Alive In Five is a guide to happiness and a tool to help you choose happiness, ask yourself this question once more: “Am I happy?” This question is a tricky one. In order to answer it, we first must answer the question: WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

According to The Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, happiness is defined as a noun, “the feeling of being happy”. That isn’t very helpful, is it? Upon looking up the word ‘happy’ in the same dictionary, we are told that happy is an adjective which means “feeling, showing or causing pleasure or satisfaction”. Somehow these definitions seem a bit vague. In my opinion, these standard definitions give more questions than answers.

Is happiness a “thing” or a “feeling”? What is “true happiness”? Has the definition for happiness changed over time?

Further research on the definition in specific reference to the philosophy of happiness gives us another word, “eudaimonia”. Eudaimonia is a Greek word which is often translated to English as the word “happiness”. Eudaimonia differs quite a bit from happiness as it is defined above, adding some clarity to it’s definition. Whereas in English, the happiness definition references a subjective state or measure of the quality of one’s life, eudaimonia’s definition refers to the experience of a life course which is objectively desirable in and of itself. This definition describes what Socrates considered to be the highest degree of happiness, or “true happiness.”

So, now that we have this improved definition of happiness, let’s put it to use by reading a bit about more about Socrates:

Socrates was a Greek philosopher (469-399 B.C.), widely considered to be the first western philosopher to develop a philosophy of happiness. In this philosophy, he states that the highest good achievable by any human being is happiness. Socrates’ philosophy also states that whatever action a person chooses in life, this choice is motivated by his/her desire for happiness. He furthermore declared that knowledge, virtue, and wisdom were all the same, since people choose an action according to what they think will bring them true happiness. Therefore, according to Socrates philosophy, the more a person knows, the greater their ability to reason out the correct choice and to choose those actions which truly bring them happiness.

From Socrates’ philosophy, I learned that knowledge is a key to finding true happiness. And that the knowledge that is most important in finding happiness is self-knowledge. In my book, Be Alive In Five, I tell you how I got to know myself and found true happiness. By sharing what I have learned, I can show you how to explore the knowledge inside yourself. By using the helpful exercises I discovered along my journey towards happiness as a guide, you should soon be upon your own path towards true and lasting happiness.

©Christina Florence – August 2010

Sweet Dreams are Made of This

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I woke up in the middle of the night last night with the worst anxiety in the pit of my stomach. The space between my eyes wrinkled up so hard it felt like I had Sharpei there. “Why, why” I asked as I tossed and turned while my husband snoozed peacefully beside me.

“I’m usually so happy, what is going on?” I decided to ask the wrinkles between my eyes. “What is this frowning about? Don’t you know you are making me look old?” To my surprise my wrinkles talked back! This is what they said: “You are afraid of your future and you don’t know what to do” “Oh no, not you again” I thought. That voice in my head that is always the bearer of bad news.

For an hour or so I just lay there fretting about my future and accepting the fact that I was not going to get another wink of sleep that night. Then I remembered my happy arrows. “Oh, right” I said and shot myself through and through. Soon I was drifting off into a blissful sleep and my future seemed so bright I would have to wear shades. If it sounds like I was shooting drugs, I sort of was, if you call happiness a drug.

Here’s how it works.

Happy Arrows
Imagine that the negative feelings are dark clouds over head. Imagine that you have beside you a bow and a quiver of arrows. Take up your bow and pull out an arrow. Notice that the arrow is a bright shade of yellow (the color of sunshine). Now, shoot the arrow into the clouds. Notice what happens. Do the clouds give way to sunshine? Next, put a picture of yourself in front of you (in your mind) and start shooting the yellow happy arrows at the image of yourself. As the arrows hit see them melt and pour yellow softness down your entire body. Keep doing this until the image of you that you are shooting at begins to smile and you feel happy.

This is such a simple little trick to dispel anxiety any time of the day or night, so simple you wouldn’t think I would forget it. But there I was feeling needlessly miserable for over an hour when I could have just grabbed my arrows and been done with it and sleeping peacefully.

You, too, can have a peaceful night’s sleep. Next time anxiety wakes you in the night (or in the day) remember this little trick. Your happy arrows are always at your side.

©Christina Florence – February 2008

 

Do You Wake Up Happy?

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I do. At least now I do.

For many years however I did not. I would open my eyes and before I was even aware of having a thought I would feel like I had a fist in my stomach. A feeling of dread, of fear and anxiety, and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet. Yeah, nice way to start your day!

So what changed? What changed was I worked really hard to change it. I knew this feeling was literally ruining my day and my life. I would not let myself get out of bed until I had changed that horrible feeling of dread to a feeling of anticipation for what the day would bring. How?

Try this: When you first open your eyes focus on your solar plexus area. That is where your feelings are. If you notice even the slightest feeling of discomfort, you must distract yourself immediately. This whole thing sounds insane but trust me on this: sing a song in your head or sing it out loud. As I said this may seem REALLY silly, however it changes your focus and has been proven to work.

Tony Robbins, a well-known motivational speaker, says that in order to change a behavior you have to do the opposite even if it feels weird. So find a song that makes you smile and visualize yourself singing and dancing to it. My songs (and don’t laugh) are “My Favorite Things” and “Get This Party Started”!

Oops! I just Googled “happy songs” and guess what folks, I couldn’t find any recent ones. All of the ones I did find were from the fifties and earlier. Were people just happier then? Alright, back up here. Just think of a tune that makes you feel good and add your own words to it, words that have a positive, uplifting feeling to them. It is impossible to feel bad while you are singing a happy song because your mind is focused on the lyrics.

I dare you to try this for one week!

If you want other suggestions for starting the day off right, check out my book, “The Magic of Zero” at Amazon.com.

©Christina Florence – January 2008

Sunshine & Lollipops – The Freedom To Be Happy

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Giving Yourself Permission to Be Happy.

What does this mean and why do we need permission? And who are we asking permission from, anyway?

Well, it seems that we in America (I can’t speak for other countries) have lost contact with the fundamentals of life here on earth. Our air and water are compromised as is our food. Our feet rarely touch the earth. We are plugged in yet disconnected. We are stressed and consumed by fear. Many of us are caught up in a daily existence that focuses on obtaining “happiness” from some place “out there”. Where, in reality, The Only Way Out Is In.

I had a client recently who said this to me:

“I feel lost in a sea of confusion. I want I want I want. It seems that all I want is to have “things”. I don’t seem happy just to be. That is what needs to change for me. I wish I could just wake up one day happy and never look back. Or never feel bad again. Instead I have a list of things I want.”

She continued, “I think ‘If I only had a bigger house I would be happy, if I only had a better car I would be happy”…but I got a beautiful car and felt happy for about a month. Then it was on to the next thing. I spend hours on the web trying to find something. What? WHAT? What am I looking for? It is like I need to always be in pursuit of something to be happy. If there is nothing to look for there is nothing to live for. This is a terrible dilemma and it is a trap. I also think that if I had more money I would be happy.”

MONEY!

Don’t you think my client might have it backwards? How about when she is happy, she will automatically generate more of everything she wants, including money!

How, then, do we feel grateful for what we have with out feeling that need for something more? Its not that we can’t want or have things. But, the pursuit of these things should not define our very existence.

Life is just a continual merry go round of “next” “next” “next” Until we stop wanting and start living we will never be happy! What we are doing is delaying gratification so that we will only be happy someplace out in the future. Fill in the blank; I will be happy when I am __________________________. Then, in a New York minute, you are 95 and that blank got really long.

Instead hop out of bed each day and remind yourself that the most important thing is to be joyful, happy and fulfilled PERIOD! From there everything, and I mean EVERYTHING else will take care of itself.

OK, I can hear you laughing now. So, all you skeptics out there, tune in next week for the next installment of Freedom to be Happy or How You Too can have Sunshine and Lollipops all day long.

©Christina Florence – January 2008